Desires of the heart…Psalm 20 says:

“1In times of trouble, may the Lord answer your cry.
May the name of the God of Jacob keep you safe from all harm.
2 May he send you help from his sanctuary
and strengthen you from Jerusalem.
3 May he remember all your gifts
and look favorably on your burnt offerings.
Interlude

4 May he grant your heart’s desires
and make all your plans succeed.
5 May we shout for joy when we hear of your victory
and raise a victory banner in the name of our God.
May the Lord answer all your prayers.”

There was a time when I read that verse very selfishly.  I thought to myself that the Bible says it, so it must be so, after all it can be found in other places as well.  For example in James it says “you do not have, because you do not ask God” (of course it continues with a very important portion of the verse I ignored at the time…”When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.”).  Anyway, I read it simply, “grant you the desires of your heart…may God answer all your prayers.”  This in my head was ok, this is what I want, now preferibly, and so this is a verse that I can quote (wrongly mind you) and think to myself that here lies my answers.

My mistake was of course, first and foremost, taking the verses out of context.  Psalm 20 is a blessing.  It begins with reference to the God of Jacob.  A commentary that I referenced to mentions that Israel means “governed by God” in sharp contrast to the word Jacob, which means “heel snatcher” (you might remember the reference to Jacob, son of Issac and Rebekah).  This interprets in the Old Testament reading to simply say May God hear our cry even when you are in trouble or straying from him.  Knowing the background of the psalm is important because as you continue reading you can begin to see a continuation of that thought, “may the LORD help you in times of trouble.”  (commentary from Jon Courson’s “Application Commentary”)

This verse still offers great hope to me, though with correct view.  I have times of hardship, of doubt, or of pain and suffering, but what it comes down to is that God will always be with me.  He does know the desires of my heart and as they are in accordance with him, he will grant them.  Ask not in selfishness…as it is said in James (correctly this time) “you do not have, because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.”  If I focus my attention on the cross and on God I find that the world will fly by, and everything falls into place, usually better than anything I could ever have imagined or planned.

So tonight I pray that God be with you.  That he grant you the desires of your heart and that he answers your every prayer (even if it’s not quite the answer you were expecting).  May you truly be blessed as we begin the start of the weekend.

I had a unique experience today, but to tell it I need to give a little background on me.  I have had my heart broken before, and the worst was by a guy who I was actually engaged to, now the story is irrelevant and long-winded but non-the-less it’s one of those where you always imagine that next time you see him kind of moments and dread it continually.  Well, I didn’t have to even think about it until I learned he moved back to my hometown (which is small and everyone I grew up with seems to live on telling me about what the latest news is, which includes news about where my ex is now working). 

I came home today and needed to get a card for my mom (she and I are both graduating) and I decided that since I had come from my interview and was still dressed up I would rather run the risk of seeing him on my terms than by surprise.  So, I walked by where I knew he worked (on my way to get my mom’s card) and I saw him for the first time in almost 3 years.  Now guys may or may not understand this, but girls play out scenarios in our minds all the time and I have to say I’ve done a lot of different ones, but I think I liked the real thing better than I imagined. 

Nothing happened (sorry to ruin the story for anyone wanting a huge fight or brawl…it would have been a possibility had I walked into the store and said hi).  Now don’t take that as I was scared, I considered it, just saying hi and I wish you well, but when I saw him in the store something inside me clicked and it no longer worried me to run into him if ever I am in town.  I am in love with the man of my dreams and yes, ideally, I would have a nice, shiny diamond to make him jealous and K on my arm the first time he saw me, but it doesn’t matter.  I’m happy.  I am better because of the pain that I went through…because it caused me to have to look beyond myself, to look to God, my family, and those who stuck by me through it all and I became a stronger woman because of it and truthfully, I guess I have my ex to thank for that.  So now, I’m ok walking through town when I come home.  I don’t mind running into people because whatever it was that I had gotten in me that scared me so much about the unknown…doesn’t matter.  I am perfectly proud of who I am and if I run into my ex one day, any day, then so be it.  If I never see him again, well, then thats ok with me too, he’s done more than enough.