A myriad of excuses arise whenever people face difficulties, especially with marriage problems. Kyle and I began our first of 4 marriage pre-counseling sessions with the pastor who will be performing our ceremony. This week focused somewhat on getting to know us, but to also address a key component to maintaining the ability to work through issues. That key, the thing that can keep people together in even the most amazingly difficult times it agape.

Agape love is that love which comes from God and can not exist without God. There are in fact three types of love: philia, eros, and then agape. Philia may be somewhat recognizable…think of a famous Pennsylvania city-brotherly love or the love that you feel for your best friend. Then there is eros. This is that passionate, sexual love. For a marriage you need both eros and philia, and can’t be survive without the other. Then above both of the others is agape. Like I mentioned before, agape love is given first by God so we can in turn share it with others. It is sacrificial and unselfish (“For God so LOVED-agape-the world that he gave his only son”). Marriage needs all three types of love to survive but the key beyond loving each other with this love, is to first love God.

When there is a strain on your personal relationship with God, you not loving him as you should, then you in turn will face difficulty in loving others in this manner. It is like a triangle of components to maintain such a powerful love.

obey His word

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worship—prayer

When these 3 are cooperating then you will be experiencing the ability to love others (in this case your spouse) with that same agape love, thus loving them with a sacrificial love. How endearing is that. To be loved with a love that you know that that person would give their life for you. This in itself gives you a greater strength to withstand trials and tribulations. It makes something that was once breakable and fragile (depending on either Eros or philia) to intangible and permanent (agape). This is forever kind of love–this is the marriage that God intended.

Tonight I am struck by the reminder of how often we all fall short of God’s glory and how often we all must learn to truly surrender. At this thought I looked up the literal definition of surrender which was as follows: 1.to yield (something) to the possession or power of another, 2.to give (oneself) up, as to the police. 3.to give (oneself) up to some influence, course, emotion, etc. 4.to give up, abandon, or relinquish. 5.to yield or resign (an office, privilege, etc.) in favor of another. 6.to give oneself up, as into the power of another; submit or yield.

Now what struck me as odd as I read all of these was that in America, this word of “surrender” is given as a negative connotation (“as to the police” or to loose hope as in the definition from #3). How often have we taken our surrender to God as a negative rather than the gift that it is? In Matthew 11:28-30 Jesus is teaching about the promise of rest for the soul as he said “Come to me all you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke fits perfectly and the burden I give you is light.”

To surrender to God is a something that has to be learned (and I believe continually worked on) but it is not a burden but a mercy, it is a gift of grace from a Lord who loves his children and wants to help them. For the only thing he asks of us is to love him, for if we love him with all we are and give ourselves completely to him (surrender) then the other “commandments” that he desires will naturally fall into place.

What does it take to love God? Matthew 22:37-40 says that Jesus said that the greatest commandment was to “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind. This is the greatest commandment. A second equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself’ (Lev. 19:18, as the Jewish leaders would know that Jesus was quoting this from scripture) All the other commandments and all the demands of the prophets are based on these two commandments.”

So, love with all your heart mind, soul, and strength or to put it in a way that is more literal to what it actually means, Love God with all of your desires and all of your affections, love him with all of your will and emotions, love him with all of the intellect and reason you can muster, and finally, love him with every physical fiber in your being through your services to God.

It was said in a sermon I heard recently that love is and inner commitment to God that I show through my conduct: by obeying him, by following him, by becoming like him, by asking for his wisdom, and by simply telling him I love him. That last one is one that I think we often over look but is so incredibly vital. I love to hear “I love you” from Kyle, from my parents, from the people that I love; why would it be different from our Heavenly Father who loves us with a greater love than we can even comprehend?

A while back I wrote out 1 Corinthians 13, inverting the word “Love” with “God.” Read through that again and remember to tell God that you love him. He is waiting for you to surrender yourself to him so that he can show you how much he loves you and all he asks in return is that you love him back. “For my burden is light…”

Have you ever noticed how arguments are usually over, essentially, nothing? K and I got into a fight tonight as I was getting ready to leave-which needless to say delayed my departure substantially. You see, we are alike in about as many ways as we are different. One of the ways in which we differ is in conflict resolution (yeah…makes things lots of fun). Anyway, I’m not going to go into the details of the argument, basically we were both being selfish and inconsiderate and not noticing our own faults, rather taking in plenty of each others (the whole twig in others eye while having a log in your own…yep that was us) But not to get sidetracked, K likes to, well, steam/fume/let himself be mad for a little while and not talk about it in the time being. I, on the other hand, can’t stand that. I want to get things out, have a few minutes away (5-10 pending on the argument) and then lets go at it–which on occasion does lead to further arguments and extensive fighting but in the end it gets everything out and resolved. No, neither is particularly good (we both need to work on it, and we’ve gotten to a point of combining them anyway) but I guess I find it interesting that this started because I was in an off mood and didn’t respond well and he felt put off (like I said, nothing). This wasn’t the first fight we’ve had, and knowing the two stubborn selves that we are, it won’t be the last but how often is it that arguments are genuinely concrete versus a petty disagreement of misunderstandings? I know that’s a good thing overall but I wish I knew how to make note of these times before the argument took place as to prevent it in the first place rather than letting it escalate into a full fledged fight where we say things we both don’t mean. I suppose it’s all a matter of learning and growing together and we will just have to figure it out as we go along.

Some pictures of me and K!

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Desires of the heart…Psalm 20 says:

“1In times of trouble, may the Lord answer your cry.
May the name of the God of Jacob keep you safe from all harm.
2 May he send you help from his sanctuary
and strengthen you from Jerusalem.
3 May he remember all your gifts
and look favorably on your burnt offerings.
Interlude

4 May he grant your heart’s desires
and make all your plans succeed.
5 May we shout for joy when we hear of your victory
and raise a victory banner in the name of our God.
May the Lord answer all your prayers.”

There was a time when I read that verse very selfishly.  I thought to myself that the Bible says it, so it must be so, after all it can be found in other places as well.  For example in James it says “you do not have, because you do not ask God” (of course it continues with a very important portion of the verse I ignored at the time…”When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.”).  Anyway, I read it simply, “grant you the desires of your heart…may God answer all your prayers.”  This in my head was ok, this is what I want, now preferibly, and so this is a verse that I can quote (wrongly mind you) and think to myself that here lies my answers.

My mistake was of course, first and foremost, taking the verses out of context.  Psalm 20 is a blessing.  It begins with reference to the God of Jacob.  A commentary that I referenced to mentions that Israel means “governed by God” in sharp contrast to the word Jacob, which means “heel snatcher” (you might remember the reference to Jacob, son of Issac and Rebekah).  This interprets in the Old Testament reading to simply say May God hear our cry even when you are in trouble or straying from him.  Knowing the background of the psalm is important because as you continue reading you can begin to see a continuation of that thought, “may the LORD help you in times of trouble.”  (commentary from Jon Courson’s “Application Commentary”)

This verse still offers great hope to me, though with correct view.  I have times of hardship, of doubt, or of pain and suffering, but what it comes down to is that God will always be with me.  He does know the desires of my heart and as they are in accordance with him, he will grant them.  Ask not in selfishness…as it is said in James (correctly this time) “you do not have, because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.”  If I focus my attention on the cross and on God I find that the world will fly by, and everything falls into place, usually better than anything I could ever have imagined or planned.

So tonight I pray that God be with you.  That he grant you the desires of your heart and that he answers your every prayer (even if it’s not quite the answer you were expecting).  May you truly be blessed as we begin the start of the weekend.

Why do some people decide that anyone different than themselves has to be labeled? The em famous “THOSE PEOPLE” or “YOUR KIND”…I don’t want to ignore the glorious differences that we were created to have (I like them, actually. It makes this world much more beautiful and much more interesting). I just think that the negative connotation that some put on labeling is important (and irritating) to think about. Why must a group of immigrants (pick your country for the example, any country, doesn’t matter) have to be labeled as “THEM” why can’t they simply be..(enter nationality here, for example, because K is Mexican I can legitimately use this…rather than “THEM” simply use “Mexicans”…I don’t mind being called an American, so whats wrong with someone being called what they legitimately are in a non-negative connotation?)

I normally get annoyed with people who are dumb enough to use thoughtless phrases but due to being a white female, excluding the sexist remarks I learned to ignore long ago, I don’t get comments that label me all that often until the beginning of this month. I was labeled with a “you and your kind” in regards to Christians and I didn’t quite know what to think. I am proud to call myself a follower of Christ, it’s not something that I am ashamed of. But I guess I have never been directly verbally hit with something like that where someone who disliked followers of Jesus so much that they would label us all the same as radicals who need to be stopped and irradicated. No, the comment was mild in light of the persecution that Christians face everyday throughout the world, but it was a learning experience for me. We look at phrases such as “THEM” or “THEY” or “YOUR KIND” with little attention, but the heart of the person who speaks these words is in quite critical condition. When discrimination against people has become so severe that we look at a once Christian nation and find it crumbling at the feet of apathy, the heart of the people is in critical condition. When are we going to stand up for what we believe? It is so much more than being strong in the face of adversity when faced with opposition about illegal immigrants from another country or about whether or not life begins at conception and how on earth that has anything to do with women’s rights. It is about standing strong when you are attacked at the core of who you are and not being afraid to say, “Alright, so you think that ‘our kind’ is taking over…well, we aren’t taking over as much as God is taking over us and changing us in such a radical way that we have to go and tell everyone we know, spreading out across the nation and across the world. This is the God who made you and who loves you and wants you to know him too.” Why is it that “our kind” can be strong around the world but when it comes to being strong in our own country we fall short? Where are our leaders in THIS nation that can lead us in the ways that are right and true–in the ways according to scripture NOT OPINIONS AND POPULAR FADS like so many churches today?

If me and my kind were in fact taking over (and it’s not MY kind, it’s GOD’s kind btw), things would look a lot different. But heres the thing. In a small way…we still are. We are posting blogs across the internet that get people like you (yes, you, the one reading this right now) thinking, and maybe you just get mad and write me about it or maybe you agree or maybe you don’t think twice and go on your marry way not thinking that a simple blog (much like this one) could affect you. But it can. There are thousands out there with scripture led devotions (some pretty good, some soso, some not so good) and then there are some people who write their thoughts and rants (like me) and let God try to make sense of it so that maybe, just maybe, our kind can spread a little further…into your heart.

I started this blog as a rant about labeling groups of people and ended much differently than even I intended. If you are reading this and you are interested…its worth it…God is worth it. John 3:16 says “For God SO LOVED THE WORLD that he gave his only son that whoever believes in him will not perish but have eternal life.” If you think that all of that good karma is going to get you into heaven, you are sadly mistaken. The Bible says that “For all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God.” Basically, none of us are good enough. We can’t make it. That’s why God is so great! Jesus told us in Matthew, “Ask and you shall receive, seek and you will find, knock and the door will be opened unto you.” What he meant was all you have to do is Acknowledge that God is Lord of your life and confess that you can’t do it on your own. Admit that you need him in your life and that door of heaven will open to you and Jesus will come into your heart. But I have to warn you, He will change your life if you let him. If you’ve never prayed, think of it as talking…its just a conversation and the more you talk and listen, the more you will want to–like any friend. I’m praying for everyone who might come across this, that I not misguide you or confuse you. If you want to talk to someone in person about all of this call a local pastor, they will be more than happy to talk to you and meet with you about it.

God bless you all today tomorrow and each and every day.

So to continue from before…K took me to a absolutely wonderful dinner at Texas de Brazil. This is an all you can eat Brazilian steak house (sooo good!!!) I had so much food and even a tantilizing dessert (vanilla ice cream with fried bannanas coated in cinnimon and sugar and strawberries, toped with a carmel liquor…very sweet, but oh so good). Afterwards we went to go see Shrek the Third (it was cute, definitly more adult humor, but I liked the knocks on the princesses…don’t worry, no spoilers).

The thing I really wanted to touch on was not so much my date with my love here on earth, but rather my love for my Father in heaven. 1 Corinthians 13 is a typical verse that is read at weddings and/or seen as your verse that is a description of what human love should be. 1 John 4:8 describes the character of God, “God is love.” Now take 1 Corinthians 13 and interchange the word “love” with “God” and you are suddenly shown a greater image of the character of God.

Love is patient, love is kind, it is not envious. Love does not brag, it is not puffed up. 13:5 It is not rude, it is not self-serving, it is not easily angered or resentful. 13:6 It is not glad about injustice, but rejoices in the truth. 13:7 It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 13:8 Love never ends.

INVERTED-GOD is patient, GOD is kind, He is not envious. GOD does not brag, He is not puffed up. He is not rude, He is not self-serving, He is not easily angered or resentful. He is not glad about injustice, but rejoices in the truth. HE BORE ALL THINGS, BELIEVES IN EVERYONE, HOPES IN ALL, AND ENDURED THE WORLD. GOD IS BEGINNING AND THE END. (There were some adjustments, but I thought it clarified it better)

God is Love and He is the greatest Love there is. Plan a date with God…I know that it will be worth it, just as much for you as it is for me.

My Dearest Abba, Father,

I have to begin by simply saying, I’m sorry.  I have not devoted my time or my spirit to you in the way which you deserve.  I have disappointed you both spiritually and physically and, Lord, I come to you now broken.

Father God, I love you desperately, and yet, I find myself continually messing up, falling short, failing you again.  And still you love me!  Still you care for me enough to know the number of hairs on my head!

Right now my faith feels weak.  I feel as though I have no direction and that I am just sitting on a piece of drift wood with no idea where this ocean current is taking me.  God, I know just as you promised Jeremiah, you have promised me plans of a hope and a future, not for destruction…that you know those plans, and you always have.  I know that in James it says that if you draw near to God, He will draw near to you.  It also says that if I want to know the plans you have for me, ask and you will gladly tell me.  Jesus says in Matthew not to worry about food or clothing for you provided for the birds and the lilies and how much more you care for us.  David says in Psalms that you will give us the desires of our hearts in accordance to your will.

God, I want to please you.   want to honor you and be light to the world.  You have made me in such a way that I am not satisfied with the ordinary.  I want to change lives.  I want to be a leader and make a difference.  But I don’t know how.

Sunday I heard the sermon about the impossible and seeing beyond the physical realm into all that you have created, beyond what my mind can even grasp and I ask this tonight.  Lord, you know my “impossibles” and I know you can do all of it.  It is also said in Matthew 17:20 “if you have the faith of a mustard seed…nothing is impossible for you.”  God, my impossible is my job (or lack there of) right now, but first I need help with my faith.  Father, please renew my heart, mind, and soul.  Refresh my faith and make it like a child’s.  I love you.

~Amen~

K is taking me on a surprise date tomorrow night.  “smart Casual” was the description I got for dress.  I’m excited.  We haven’t been on an actual date in a while…Valentine’s Day.  He tries to take me out, but either I don’t really feel like it or he doesn’t or there is a group and they have their own opinions on what we’re doing (so on and so forth).  Last summer I was spoiled with several very nice dates, fairly regularly (aka. he dressed up…that’s a big deal).  But what I’m excited about is that he’s just taking me out and not telling me anything about it.  The surprise is nice and he really is more romantic than he gives himself credit for (the first gift I ever got from him was a snow globe- which is my collection-that had a dog in it-my favorite animal-with a green base-my favorite color-which he MADE–>can’t beat that).

Dates are important for relationships and I can’t wait to see what he comes up with as we continue on our journey together.

More later…