I know I haven’t written in almost two weeks but my reason is valid–nothing has happened.  Really.  I mean, it was very exciting that my parents are moving forward with their plans around the house (including by the pool) and have purchased a tiki hut, which has be masterfully erected behind the pool with more to follow (I’ll get a picture up here as soon as I find my connections for my camera…I think they’re in my trunk somewhere).  But anyway, as far as me personally, I have been trying to track down reference forms so I can get on the sub list (what I thought was going to be a simple task has turned into an ordeal) and waiting for this week (week #3) to call Valencia Community College about a job I applied for (they told me 3-6 weeks before interviews would occur).  Beyond there, the most exciting things I’ve done was pressure wash the pool deck and porch for my dad and drive to Fort Drum about a girth for the saddle we bought.

Reality is I’m so fed up with everything that I’m at wits end (which makes me think of Eago in Aladdin when Jafar says that and he repeats it, “aarh (or however you write the noise a parrot makes) wits end”).  But seriously, I had a long conversation with God in the car on the drive home tonight about the job stuff, passions, even personal spirit stuff.  I think ok, I know we’ve talked it out, I know you answer prayers clearly and you know that right now I desire to follow your will and just want a job that allows me to do that…please show me the way.  Nothing is falling into place.  I’m moving forward every where I can and it’s like all of those places have been halted.  I continue to search for jobs with an open heart whether in lobbying, non-profit, or teaching and still nothing has opened and I want to lobby more than ever as I learn about non-profits.  Ugh!  Then I come home and get an unexpected welcome when I get fussed at and close to accusations thrown towards Kyle not caring about my well-being…eh…I need to sleep now because I’ve had all I can deal with for today and definitely for tonight.

I leave you with a verse from Hosea 6:3

Let us acknowledge the LORD;

let us press on to acknowledge him.

As surely as the sun rises,

he will appear;

he will come to us like the winter rains,

like the spring rains that water the earth.

I get irritated when people decide that they are your best friends when it is convenient for them and then forget about you (it “slips their minds” to bother returning any calls or e-mails).  Whats with that?

I know I’ve been slacking on writing this week (wow, props to teachers, moms, nannys, ect….those kids take it out of you!) but I just wanted to send out a quick prayer request.  My mom had surgery today to have her meniscus removed and her ACL repaired–thats knee surgery BTW if anyone was wondering–(according to her the pain is worse than child birth–and I was a nearly 10 lb baby with no pain killers if that is any indication of the pain she is in right now).  Anyway, she’s not comfortable, it’s hard for her to even do things like sit up to take a sip of water let alone get up to go to the bathroom or anything.  I would appreciate it if y’all would pray for her.  I know that God is with her and that He is using this time to work in our family but specifically I pray for her comfort and speed while healing.  That she have minimized pain and that the recovery goes exceptionally well.  Thanks.

In Him,  Becca

To be completely honest, lately I have felt very alone.  I know the truth, I know God’s peace.  After an especially difficult time in my life I drew a “tribal” dove and had it tattooed onto my lower back (lower back because I am really the only one who sees it-minus swim suits, therefore, it is not to show off or to make a statement about tattoos, its a reminder to me of the peace of God that overwhelmed me during that time and that got me through the pain that I felt)  Philippians 4:6-9 describes it well.

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

8Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. 9Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.” NIV

I know that God is with me and that he is guiding me.  His timing is perfect and in that timing I will find a job (as I learn patience).  I know that my parents love me and are desperate to do nothing but show compassion toward me and to wrap me in their arms, helping in anyway they can.  I know that K is there for me, with an open ear, listening to me, an open shoulder for those times when I just can’t handle it, and a gentle word to reassure me that God and my parents and he are there for me.  I guess it’s hard also because I’ve heard nothing from anyone since I moved (except asking for my last utilities payment) and no one bothering to ask about if I had any leads yet.

I just feel very alone and I feel as if that is my fault.  That I have somehow pushed them all away into not caring.  No, it’s never all one persons fault, but I suppose because I’m the only one asking the questions right now, I get the blame.

I’m tired.

I’m tired of submitting my resume to jobs that I feel over qualified for and not even getting a call for a first iterview.

I’m tired of arguing with my parents about stupid misunderstandings on both ends

I’m tired of crying because I just dont understand what else I need to do before God sees fit to show me that position and guidance.

I’m tired of searching through passages that I know like the back of my hand for something I may have missed for some clue of what I am supposed to be doing.

I’m tired of doing the same thing to passages that I may have only read once or twice.

I’m tired of hearing everyone tell me the exact same thing–”In God’s time”–I know that, it doesn’t make it easier for me so that doesn’t help, thanks anyway.

I’m tired God, what more am I supposed to do?  What do you want me to learn?  Just tell me please.  I’m tired of crying every night because I don’t know where I am supposed to be and I’m graduated, moving back home, and have no money and (soon) no insurance either…I just want a job…

So I wasn’t completely straight with how upset I was last night.  It was like I was FINALLY DONE and no one cared.  They don’t have to, no, but asking how my exams went yesterday would have been nice.  I guess I feel that I have put too many expectations on these 2 that…well, I’m just tired of being let down.  I am ready to move out.  I love them dearly and they are wonderful friends, I guess we just have different lives and the 2 of them happen to fall into the same activities and I fall, well, I kind of have been doing my own thing, focusing on school a lot this semester.  It’s no one’s fault I don’t think but I was hurt to find out that both of them are going out on Friday and I wasn’t even asked to go so here I was planning dinner for K’s birthday and it will be me, him, and his old roommate…because they don’t remember me saying anything about it for the past month.  So I guess that clears up the vague so no one was home but this happened kind of entry from last night (though K did lock his keys in his car, we finally got them)

So I’ve always had “weak” ankles (aka. they hurt when I run) but because I’m the type of person that always gets hurt but never REALLY (never enough to need to do anything about it) I never though anything of it. Well, I’ve been in a dance class since January and my ankles started hurting again (I stopped running a while ago so I didn’t have to think about it…I don’t like to run, it’s not fun). Sooooo, I thought to myself, “if I want to keep in shape by continuing in dance classes I better get these suckers checked out.” So I called the only orthopedic I had ever been to (I broke my foot falling down the stairs to a bus once…funny story, but for another time). I called him so that I could be sneaky and fall under the “past patient” title and get in sooner (it works too! I saw this guy 4 years ago, they had to pull my file from storage, but you know, I wasn’t a new patient so I still got in sooner). To make an already rambling story just a little longer, he isn’t exactly sure whats wrong (go figure) but my Achilles feel tight (left worse than right) so he prescribed physical therapy and if it’s not better in 6-8 weeks (doing the exercises before and after I dance) then to talk to him again (or just talk to him when I see him again with my mom’s knee surgery…yeah, my family keeps him in business.) haha Hey anything is better than this (don’t watch if you have a squeamish stomach, it’s Joe Theisman when he broke his fibula and tibia)–>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PQ1iVRRu6w0